hThe end of a relationship is often a difficult and painful experience, especially if you’re on the receiving end. It leaves you feeling sad, hurt and confused. But being the one who breaks up can sometimes be just as hard. Breaking up with someone you love is never easy. It is, in fact, one of the toughest things you can do.
If you’re unsure how you can properly break up with someone who loves you, here are some pieces of advice that will surely help you.
That’s without being unnecessarily nasty, while also getting to the point.
Be sure you want to do it
Relationships are a very complex thing while being simple at the same time.
All it takes for a relationship to be successful, is love, mutual respect, understanding, support, fun.
On paper, it may look easy to achieve. But in real life, it ain’t, and the reason for that is very simple, people are different.
Relationships often require adaptation and patience, especially at the beginning. Because when two people meet, they bring with them their world, their past, and then, those two worlds are becoming one. So obviously, it makes sense that sometimes, it just won’t work and sometimes it will. But what is absolutely certain is that it will always require adaptation and change on both sides.
A relationship is like an electrocardiogram, there are ups and downs all the time.
There is no such thing as a relationship with zero arguments, fights or disagreements. And if you’re looking for such a relationship, you’re living in a dream world.
With that said, sometimes, the only solution is to break up. Sometimes, it’s just not it and not meant to be, no matter how hard we’ll try.
But breaking up should not be the first and only solution. And doing so should also depend on the issue itself.
Obviously, one shouldn’t break up because his/her partner forgot to throw the trash and prepare dinner 🙂
So the point is, you have to be sure you want to break up. You have to be sure the reason behind this decision is legitimate and most importantly, you have to be sure it is the only solution at this point.
Prepare Yourself First
Before taking any step of ending a relationship, it is important to think through that decision and prepare yourself mentally for the process.
One of the hardest parts of a break-up is actually making the decision to break up, while the second hardest part would be to do it. If you’re not preparing yourself mentally for this, you’ll probably end up not doing it.
You may also want to consult with people who know you and know your relationship, about the approach you should take. After all, a break up may not be the right decision.
Once you made your mind, just set a day and time, and stick with it. Do not push back, don’t wait. The more you’ll wait, the hardest it will be, and as I said, in the end, you may end up doing nothing.
It is exactly the same as quitting smoking (well almost). When you make the decision to stop, you just stop, or at least that’s what you should do. There is no “next week”, after “this” or after “that”.
Be Honest, Open, but strict
Breaking up can be extremely painful. Not just for the person being left behind but also for the person making the move.
But first, one of the most if not THE most important advice: Avoid breaking up while the two of you are having a big argument.
Why? because you might and most probably will say and do things you’ll soon regret. So just, never breakup while having an argument.
Wait a few hours or even days if necessary. Breakups are not easy or pleasant anyway, so there is no need to make it even more difficult and painful.
When the time is right, try to stay calm, kind and respectful. There is no need to be cruel, aggressive or talking in a hurtful way. Instead, directly state that you want to break up. Pick a private location where you can take the time to talk with them and answer questions in a calm and respectful way.
However, while being kind and calm during a break-up, you also need to be absolutely clear with the other person. So that at the end of the discussion, they are certain to understand that the relationship is ending.
Be strict with your boundaries because if you’re not totally clear, your partner may get mixed signals and end up staying around much longer.
Stick with Your Decision
After the break-up, the last thing you want to do is to keep doors open. There shouldn’t be any “going back” on the decision, no second thoughts, no contacts.
Going back on the decision will lead to a great deal of confusion, and potentially a lot of heartbreakings as well along the way. There is nothing worse than a cycle of breaking up and making up over and over again. It is confusing, painful, and very not healthy physically and mentally for both sides.
So you should avoid that kind of scenario. Instead, stick with your decision. Remind yourself of the reason why you did it, why you had to break-up. Which was surely not because of something small and insignificant.
You should be prepared to expect difficult days, where you will feel lonely, sad. You will surely miss him/her. Especially if it was a long relationship of several months or years.
You even might be tempted to make contact. Which of course, would be a mistake. Remember, the most important and critical part of a break-up is to stick with it.
A break up can be a difficult process for both people involved, but the good news is that it gets easier with time.
Slowly but surely, you’ll start the process of moving on. The first step would be to get rid of anything that will remind you of the relationship. As hard it might be, you should throw away every love letters, selfies of you together, or even old whats’app or facebook messages. You won’t be able to move on if you are keeping yourself stuck in the past in any way.
Moving on is also about prioritizing yourself, so try to enjoy your time. You’re now single and you’ve all the time in the world to take care of yourself.
Another important thing is to not rush things like trying right away to get into another relationship. Most people, after a break-up, are feeling suddenly lonely, something is missing in their life. Which is obviously, the change from being in relationship to single. Wanting to find a new partner is not an issue by itself, but the timing may not be best at this point.
You need to give yourself time to heal, to move on mentally, because if you don’t, you may end up getting prematurely into a new relationship. Which may result in breaking someone’s heart because yours will not have had the time to heal.
So again, after a breakup, enjoy yourself, hook up with friends, find new hobbies, live your life at its fullest! Then, when you’ll truly feel ready for it, you will know that the time has come to find a new partner.